the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
