she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
