The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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