we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
