Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
i need some magic done to my vagina
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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