he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
