Is it normal to miss your booty call?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
