Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
