I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
