I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
