I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
