Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
