What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
