I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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