yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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