whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
