My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
