I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
