what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
