she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
