i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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