I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
