Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
