when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
