Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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