This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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