I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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