dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
