So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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