While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
