did you get engaged???
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
