you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
