If that was your dad, he is hot
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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