It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
