Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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