her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
