guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
