Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
