And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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