it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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