I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
