literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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