Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
