just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
