Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
