I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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