i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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