Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
