he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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