I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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