I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
