just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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