the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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